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Saturday, November 29, 2014

Want your vagina steam-cleaned but don't have a spa nearby? Here are the do-it-yourself instructions.

via Vice:
Vaginal steaming, sometimes called V-steaming by those too squeamish to say the word "vagina," is remarkably similar to making tea. You put a bunch of special herbs in hot water, then—and this is where the tea similarity ends—hover over it, allowing the steam to "deep-clean" your vagina and uterus. This is said to dislodge any "buildup" and can allegedly relieve hormonal imbalances, menstrual discomfort, and digestive issues.
Right. Well, doesn't sound like something I'd be willing to either pay for or do in public (or maybe not at all, really), but if you want to try it, here are do-it-yourself instructions from the ​YinOva Center:


Pour eight cups of water (preferably purified water) into a medium-size pot. 

Place a handful of fresh herbs (about a quarter cup) into the water.

Bring water to a soft boil (with the lid on) for five minutes.

Turn off the heat and steep for another five minutes with the lid on.

Pour four cups (half of the pot) of water into a bowl you've placed in your toilet.

Wave your hand eight to ten inches over the herbal water to make sure it's not too hot.

Remove your underwear and sit on the seat above the steaming water.

Drape a large blanket or sheet around your waist and down to the floor to make sure no steam escapes.

Keep yourself warm by wearing something on your feet (socks, slippers) and neck. You do not want any cold to get into your body while you are trying to warm it.

You should feel a warm, rolling heat for about ten to 12 minutes.

When the steam dies down, dump the water into the toilet. Starting with step four, begin the second dosage with the other half of the herbal water. If it has cooled too much you'll need to reheat it, but test again before sitting over the steam.


If you get your V-steam done at a spa, they'll seat you in chair with a little hole in the middle, which allows the steam to rise into your hoo-ha (see the hoto above). Since I do not own a chair with a hole in the middle, I was pleased to find that the YinOva Center recommended steaming on your toilet - you just put a bowl full of steaming herbs in there and have a seat, and it's a handy place to dump the bowl when you're done.

Vaginal steam baths come from an ancient Korean tradition called chai-yok, which uses mugwort and wormwood to cleanse the vagina. Good luck finding those at Walgreens. I'd be tempted to use some herbal tea, but per the author at Vice, the mugwort package claimed that it could "increase or develop psychic powers". That sounds kind of cool, although I keep trying to imagine how vaginal psychic powers would manifest.

Anyway, there's more at Vice and YinOva if you're interested. If you end up doing this, please leave a note in the comments and let me know how it went!

6 way to modify your baseball bat into a zombie-killing weapon: real versions and an infographic

From the Art of Manliness blog (they also have a book by the same name) comes this excellent infographic on ways to modify baseball bats into zombie-killing weapons. It's based on a post (see below the onfo graphic) by a guy who actually made them:
Survival expert Creek Stewart of Willow Haven Outdoor decided to take a break from teaching his usual, realistic survival skills to have some fun. He let his imagination run wild and conjured up 6 ways to mod an ordinary baseball bat into the ultimate zombie slaying weapons. Creek admits that the results are absolutely ridiculous. They are also absolutely awesome. And we decided it would be equally awesome to have Ted turn them into an illustrated comic book tutorial for us. Hope you enjoy. And when the zombies attack, you’ll be ready to turn your Louisville Slugger into a walking dead decimator. Batter up!
Click here to embiggen
The infographic is based on the real bat mods from the web site Willow Haven Outdoor - the are a few here but you'll find more (and additional pictures) there.

I really wanted to make a version of the rusty spiked bat that everyone thinks of when they allow themselves to wonder about such things. However, I wanted it to be different than anything I’d ever seen before. What better way to make it different than to mount a machete to the end? So that’s what I did. A 12″ machete blade is bolted right into the end of the bat. But that’s not it. Just in case the machete blade doesn’t do the trick, eight massive steel spikes shroud the base for some extra collateral damage. I topped it off with a cobra weave wrist lanyard because I don’t want an aggressive zombie running off with my bat just in case it gets stuck. Batter up!

I call this one ‘Tina for short. Concertina wire, or popularly called razor wire, is some nasty stuff. It’s like barbed wire except instead of barbs it’s lined with razors. Typically reserved for warfare and to line the perimeter of maximum security prisons, I figured a nice nest of this stuff fence stapled around a baseball bat would be a pretty formidable zombie face smasher. Geez, I cut my hands up wearing leather welding gloves just wrapping this ‘death wire’ around the bat. I understand first hand why this stuff has such a bad reputation. I remember watching prison break movies thinking, “I bet I could crawl over that razor wire.” Well let me tell you, there ain’t no freakin’ way you’re crawling over this stuff. Concertina wire was birthed in warfare and it gives off that eerie feeling when you look at and handle it. If plants grow in hell I imagine they look like this stuff. “Hey, zombie, I want you to meet someone. Her name’s ‘Tina.”

Oooouch! With it’s roots in the Middle Ages, the Flail is absolutely barbaric. I cut the last 6″ off a normal bat, connected it to a steel chain and then studded it with archery field target points. 

This thing hurts just holding it in your hand. These target points actually screw into studs that I mounted into the wood. You could theoretically replace all of these field points with razor broad-heads if you wanted a spiked razor bat but the idea is to be able to replace damaged spikes ‘on-the-fly’ with a pocket full of extra points. The spiral wrap paracord handle gives plenty of grip when the G’s from spinning try to rip it out of your hand. The amount of momentum generated with just a couple rotations of the 5 pound spiked head is terrifying. I think this weapon could actually elicit FEAR in ZOMBIES. That’s how scary this thing is once it gets-a-spinnin’. Home Run every time – guaranteed!

Previous manly posts:

How To Gird Up Your Loins (An Illustrated Guide).


The Tactical Order of Dressing: An Illustrated Guide (as taught to military and emergency personnel).

Because it's important to always be battle-ready: How to Poop Like a Samurai.

The manliness test - how manly are you? I took it, and I'm a mewling kitten. But I'm an old, overweight female, so presumably you'll do better.

The Boy Scouts of America: Then and Now — A Comparison of the 1911 and Modern Handbooks and Merit Badges.

Science video: Why Do Dogs Smell Each Other's Butts?

C'mon you know you've always wondered, and I'll bet your kids have asked (or will ask) at some point, so now you'll be prepared:



Bonus: Dog Butt Looks Like Jesus Christ In A Robe:

Princess Rap Battles: Galadriel vs. Leia, Snow White vs. Elsa

Warning - PG-13 language.

Lord of the Rings or Star Wars?



The same people previously produced a Snow White vs. Elsa rap battle, although this one contains an F-bomb. I wish they wouldn't do that because it means lots of little girls (including my granddaughters) won't get to see it:


Friday, November 28, 2014

Thursday, November 27, 2014

The traditional drunken turkey recipe


Step 1: Go buy a turkey

Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD

Step 3: Put turkey in the oven

Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey

Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens

Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink

Step 7: Turn oven the on

Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky

Step 9: Turk the bastey

Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get

Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer

Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey

Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours

Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick

Step 17: Turk the carvey

Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch

Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey

Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out!

Monday, November 24, 2014

Branco cartoon - Obama finds someone he can negotiate with


From cartoonist A.F. Branco at ComicallyIncorrect.com.

What Goes on in Our Stomachs After Eating Too Much

The science of eating, and overeating:

Best quote ever?

Embedded image permalink

via @_youhadonejob

Monday links


On November 24, 1793—or what then became known as Frimaire 4, II, the revolutionary French government officially replaced the Gregorian calendar, introducing one of thirty days each, comprised of three ten-day weeks (each day lasted ten hours, or one thousand minutes, or ten thousand seconds). It was abolished by Napoleon Bonaparte in 1806.



For those of us born between the 22nd and 28th of November and have always wondered, here's how it works: Thanksgiving Birthday Pattern.

Things you can get away with if you don't have to worry about an HOA.

Unicorns Don't Really Dig Virgin Women, and Other Lessons From Medieval Bestiaries Debunked.

ICYMI, Friday's links are here, and include the Star Lord and Ronan dance-off, what to take when you time travel, the reason for thumbs, and a gallery of things you don't see every day.